Making friends as an adult can be a challenge. Anyone who’s moved somewhere new with very few connections understands. In this article, I want to talk about how to reconnect with friends. Those friends that we still love, but for whatever reason, life led us down different paths. Maybe it was something as dramatic as an unresolved conflict or maybe it was something as simple as a move. Whatever the cause, reconnecting with old friends can be deeply rewarding.
Why Making Friends as an Adult is Hard
No one told me in school that I’d have to learn how to make friends as an adult. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that many of my peers share this sentiment of:
“Why didn’t anyone warn me how hard making friends as an adult would be?!”
And it’s led me to wonder: why is this thing so hard? Why is finding community and making friends as an adult such a universal challenge?
There are many factors at play here.
The realization of how difficult it is to make friends as an adult often catches us off guard. The structured environment of school, where we were naturally surrounded by peers, fostered friendships effortlessly. However, as adults, the responsibility of forging new connections falls squarely on our shoulders. And with most of us working remotely or in hybrid office setups, workplace camaraderie is no longer as dependable for forging new connections.
The Value of Existing Friends
Amid the challenges of adult friendships, the value of existing friends cannot be overstated. Reconnecting with old friends offers a shortcut to building meaningful connections, as you already share a history and common interests. These bonds, even when strained by life's twists and turns, are worth the effort to maintain or repair.
An easy win on the path to finding deeper connection is exploring the places where we’ve found connection in the past.
The Power of Vulnerability
Reconnecting with old friends requires a willingness to be vulnerable. It can feel scary to make the first move, but the potential rewards make it worthwhile. Ease the pressure by remembering that your old friend is likely hoping to reconnect too.
We often assume others don't want to rekindle a friendship when in reality, they are also nervous to reach out. So be the one to break the ice. When you come from a place of love and lead with vulnerability, you’d be surprised how open old friends are to reconnecting.
10 Tips for Reconnecting with Old Friends
Reflect on the Friends You Felt Most Energized By
Make a list of the friends you've lost touch with who brought you joy. Prioritize reconnecting with those who energized you.
Utilize Social Media
Love it or hate it, social media can help us stay connected to anyone from anywhere. Scroll through your contacts on social media. Does anyone stand out in a positive way? Like their posts, comment and let them know you've been thinking of them.
Send Them a Thoughtful Text
Initiate contact with a simple, heartfelt text expressing the desire to catch up. Share specific memories or inside jokes to rekindle the connection.
Examples:
"Hey! It's [name]. I just saw [something that reminded you of them] and realized it's been way too long since we caught up. Would love to grab coffee and hear how you're doing!"
"Hi [name]! Happy New Year! Can you believe it's already 2024? Hope you've been well. We should meet up for drinks and catch up."
Resolve Conflict
Address unresolved conflicts by acknowledging your part and offering apologies if needed. Clarity, kindness, and humility can bring healing to strained relationships.
Hang Out with Mutual Friends
Spending time with mutual friends provides a natural avenue for reconnecting without added pressure.
Be Direct
When reconnecting, don't beat around the bush. Directly ask if they'd like to meet for coffee or drinks to catch up.
Be Intentional
Make reconnecting a priority. Put it in your calendar. Offer a date and time. Don't just say "We should get together sometime!"
Attend Events
If you know your old friend attends certain events annually like charity galas, concerts, or networking events, make an effort to attend. Bumping into each other there makes starting a conversation natural.
Reach Out on Birthdays
Wishing them a happy birthday on social media or through a text shows thoughtfulness and offers a chance to celebrate together. Offer to treat them to birthday drinks or dessert to celebrate.
Invest Time
Meaningful relationships require investment. To reconnect with an old friend, you have to commit time even when life gets busy. Start small by setting a weekly or daily goal for reconnecting. It can be as simple as: I’m going to spend 5 minutes looking through my contacts and seeing which names make me smile. The next goal could be to send those people a text or reconnect on social media. Whatever you think makes the most sense and would resonate with them!
When you consistently make time for people who matter to you, your friendships thrive. It doesn't have to be anything fancy - even a 30 minute coffee date helps you stay connected.
Small Gestures Go a Long Way
Big grand gestures are great, but often it's the small day-to-day actions that keep a friendship alive.
Tag them in memes on Instagram that remind you of them. Forward funny videos you think they'd like. Celebrate their wins like a promotion at work.
These small gestures signal that this person is still important to you and that you still "get" them. It keeps your bond strong even when life gets busy.
Conclusion
Rekindling old friendships demands effort and intention, but the rewards are immeasurable. Don't let time slip away; be brave, make the effort, and put yourself out there. The best friendships can withstand the test of time, and by following these tips, you can revive and strengthen those valuable connections.
YOU'VE GOT THIS!
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