Boundaries. Let’s talk about it. You know, that buzzword that’s been everywhere lately. For the longest time, I didn’t get it either. Growing up, boundaries were not a word in my vocabulary, nor in my family’s vernacular. I grew up thinking boundaries were just what the dictionary defines: “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.” Like the backyard fence that was put up around our house, that clearly defined what was our property and what was our neighbors. As a kid, I was told to stay within this boundary and not to cross over into our neighbor’s yard. That was the extent of what I knew about boundaries.
As the concept of boundaries picked up steam in the public eye, I started to explore what they truly mean. I discovered that boundaries are essential for forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Relationships require a delicate balance of give and take, mutual respect, and clear communication. One crucial element that often gets overlooked is the establishment of boundaries.
Ever felt overwhelmed because you just couldn’t say no? Yeah, me too. It's not easy, but trust me, it's worth it. Establishing boundaries helps us maintain healthier relationships and, most importantly, stay true to ourselves. It requires self-awareness of our own needs and desires and a willingness to abide by them. It's a mindset shift that once implemented the right way, it will greatly improve our personal and professional relationships.
Having established boundaries allows us to cultivate better friendships and let go of those relationships that no longer fit in our lives.
Let’s dive into what boundaries are, how they apply specifically to friendships, and the different types of boundaries we can have in our relationships.
Understanding Boundaries
Boundaries in friendships refer to the guidelines, limits, and expectations that individuals set to define their personal space, emotional needs, and interpersonal interactions within the relationship. These boundaries serve as a framework for navigating interactions, maintaining autonomy, and preserving the integrity of the friendship.
Examples of Boundaries:
Limiting communication: Set a timeframe for texting/talking on the phone to avoid being continuously distracted and feeling obligated to reply immediately. If a friend is constantly texting you throughout the day, it’s OK to respond, "I see your messages, but I am busy right now. I’ll respond when I can."
Saying no: Think about that friend who always wants to hang out, even when you’re exhausted. Setting a boundary might look like saying, "I’d love to catch up, but I need a night in to recharge. How about we plan something for the weekend?"
Prioritizing your health: If asked to help a friend move apartments or work on a project but you’re overwhelmed, it’s okay to say, "I don’t have the bandwidth to commit to it right now." Hopefully, that friend will respect and appreciate your honesty.
Recently, I had to set a hard boundary with a close friend. It was tough, but necessary for my well-being. At first, it felt awkward and uncomfortable, but over time, I believe it will help strengthen our friendship. It’s a good idea to always evaluate the relationships you have, how they are serving you best, and see if any changes need to be made (setting boundaries, letting go, etc.) for your own personal well-being.
Hard vs. Soft Boundaries: What’s the Difference?
Hard Boundaries:
Hard boundaries are firm and non-negotiable limits that individuals set to protect their well-being or values.
Examples:
Refusing to tolerate disrespectful behavior or verbal abuse from a friend.
Setting clear guidelines for personal space and privacy, such as not sharing intimate details without consent.
Declining invitations or requests that go against one's values or comfort levels.
Soft Boundaries:
Soft boundaries are more flexible and may vary depending on the context or individual's emotional state.
Examples:
Being open to compromise and negotiation in certain situations while still maintaining core values and priorities.
Allowing occasional exceptions to personal boundaries based on trust and mutual understanding with a friend.
Adjusting boundaries as needed to accommodate changing circumstances or evolving relationships.
Overall, whether soft or hard boundaries, you can think of them like fences for your soul. They keep the good stuff in and the bad stuff out. Unless you’re a cat, in which case, fences are merely suggestions.
Why Does Having Healthy Friendship Boundaries Matter, You Ask? Great Question.
They Provide Respect and Mutual Understanding:
Establishing boundaries in friendships demonstrates respect for oneself and others. It allows individuals to communicate their needs, preferences, and limitations clearly, fostering mutual understanding and empathy between friends.
Better for Your Overall Emotional Well-being:
Boundaries play a crucial role in safeguarding one's emotional well-being within friendships. They enable individuals to protect themselves from harmful behaviors, such as manipulation, emotional abuse, or over-dependence, which can lead to feelings of resentment or burnout.
Helps Maintain Balance:
Healthy boundaries help maintain a balanced dynamic within friendships by ensuring that both parties contribute equally to the relationship. They prevent one-sided interactions, where one friend consistently takes without considering the other's needs or boundaries.
Preserves Individuality:
Boundaries allow friends to maintain their individual identities, interests, and personal space within the relationship. They encourage autonomy and self-expression, fostering a sense of freedom and authenticity in the friendship.
How can you apply this to your own friendships?
Reflect on Your Needs:
Take time to reflect on your emotional, physical, and social needs within friendships. Identify areas where you may require boundaries to protect your well-being and maintain healthy relationships.
Communicate Openly:
Practice open and honest communication with your friends about your boundaries and expectations. Clearly express your limits, preferences, and concerns in a respectful and non-confrontational manner.
Set Clear Limits:
Establish clear and specific boundaries that align with your values and comfort levels. Whether it's respecting personal space, discussing sensitive topics, or defining acceptable behaviors, clarity is key to fostering mutual respect and understanding.
Be Consistent:
Consistently uphold your boundaries and enforce them when necessary. Consistency reinforces the importance of your boundaries and helps establish healthy patterns of interaction within the friendship.
Respect Others' Boundaries:
Respect the boundaries set by your friends and avoid crossing their limits without their consent. Practice empathy and understanding, acknowledging that everyone has different comfort levels and needs.
Let's Wrap Things Up
We now know boundaries are essential pillars of healthy and fulfilling friendships. By establishing clear boundaries, communicating openly, and respecting each other's needs, you can cultivate strong, supportive, and mutually fulfilling relationships that enrich your life. Remember, setting boundaries is not about creating walls but rather building bridges of understanding, respect, and trust within friendships.
And finally, remember, it's okay to put yourself FIRST sometimes.
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– Nicole
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